The Missing Village: Why Parenthood Feels Harder Than It Should
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When I ask new parents how they’re doing, I often hear the same answer: “We’re surviving.”
Sometimes it’s said with a laugh. Sometimes it’s followed by tears. But almost every family I work with has some version of the same feeling: “Why does this feel so much harder than I expected?”
If you’ve ever wondered that yourself, I want you to know something important:
You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re trying to parent without the village humans were meant to have.
We Prepare for Birth, But Not for Life After Birth
During pregnancy, we spend months preparing for labor and delivery. We research strollers, decorate nurseries, install car seats, and pack hospital bags. We carefully choose the perfect baby monitor and compare diaper brands like we’re making a major financial investment.
Then the baby arrives.
Friends and family celebrate, meals might show up for a few days, and suddenly everyone assumes you’ve got it from here.
But that’s when the real learning begins.
You’re recovering from birth while figuring out feeding, soothing, diaper changes, sleep deprivation, hormones, and an entirely new identity. If this is your first baby, everything is new. If it’s your second or third, you’re balancing all of that while caring for older children, too.
That’s a lot for anyone.
Modern Parents Are More Connected (and More Isolated)Than Ever
Today’s parents have access to more information than any generation before them. Unfortunately, they also have access to more conflicting information than ever.
One Instagram account says to follow wake windows exactly. Another says schedules are harmful. TikTok tells you that your baby has a tongue-tie. Reddit says it’s a sleep regression. Google convinces you that every symptom is an emergency.
Instead of feeling informed, many parents feel overwhelmed.
The problem isn’t that you’re lacking information. The problem is that you’re lacking someone who knows you, knows your baby, and can help you sort through what actually applies to your family.
Parenting Was Never Meant to Be a Solo Sport
For most of human history, new parents learned by watching other parents.
There were grandparents, neighbors, siblings, experienced friends, and other caregivers nearby. Someone could reassure you that cluster feeding was normal. Someone could hold the baby while you showered. Someone could remind you that rough nights happen and that one difficult day doesn’t mean you’re failing.
That support wasn’t considered a luxury. It was simply how families functioned.
Today, many parents are raising children far from extended family, with partners returning to work quickly and friends juggling busy lives of their own.
It’s no wonder so many parents feel alone.
Most Parents Don’t Need Perfection. They Need Perspective.
One of my favorite parts of my job is helping parents zoom out. When you’re exhausted, every difficult night feels permanent. Every short nap feels like a disaster. Every Google search makes it feel like you’re one wrong decision away from ruining your baby’s sleep forever.
But babies are human. They have growth spurts, developmental leaps, teething, illnesses, and off days, just like we do.
Recently, I worked with a family whose evenings had become exhausting. Their baby was experiencing multiple false starts at bedtime, everyone was overtired, and they felt like nothing was working.
We made a few realistic adjustments based on their baby’s patterns. Nothing extreme. Nothing rigid.
The next morning, I received an email that absolutely made my day. Their baby had gone to bed earlier, had no false starts, and had only one wake-up overnight.
Was everything magically perfect? No. But it was better.
And sometimes that’s exactly what families need: a little momentum and the confidence that they’re moving in the right direction.
Support Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing
One thing I wish every parent believed is this: Asking for help isn’t a sign that you’re struggling more than everyone else. It’s a sign that you’re human.
Support might look like:
A postpartum doula
A lactation consultant
A sleep consultation
A pelvic floor physical therapist
A therapist
A parenting support group
A trusted friend who listens without judgment
There isn’t one “right” way to build your village. The important part is that you don’t try to do everything alone.
Why I Love Virtual Postpartum Support
When people hear “virtual support,” they sometimes picture generic advice over Zoom.
In reality, it often looks like this:
You’re sitting on your couch in comfortable clothes with a baby asleep on your chest. There’s no packing the diaper bag, no rushing out the door, and no worrying that your baby finally fell asleep ten minutes before your appointment.
Instead, we spend our time talking about your baby, your challenges, and your goals.
Whether we’re working through feeding questions, newborn sleep, postpartum recovery, pumping, returning to work, or simply helping you feel more confident, my goal is never to hand you a one-size-fits-all plan.
It’s to help you understand what’s happening, feel supported, and leave with practical next steps that fit your family.
You Deserve a Village
If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s this: Parenthood feels hard because it is hard, not because you’re doing it wrong.
You were never meant to figure everything out on your own.
If you’re in the thick of postpartum and feeling overwhelmed, know that support exists. Whether it’s through a friend, a local parenting group, a postpartum professional, or someone else you trust, don’t wait until you’re completely exhausted before reaching out.
You deserve encouragement. You deserve guidance. You deserve someone to remind you that you’re doing better than you think.
Because every parent deserves a village, even if they have to build one a little differently than generations before them.
Warmly,
Deb
