The Relational Transition to Parenthood: Why Preparing for Baby Means More Than Just Buying a Crib

Written By Deb Jimenez

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Bringing a new baby into the world is one of the most profound transitions a family will ever experience. It's magical, beautiful—and let's be honest, completely life-altering.

But here’s the thing no one really talks about: parenthood doesn’t just change your day-to-day life. It rewires your brain. It reshapes your identity. It shifts every single relationship you have.

In a recent episode of Doula Talk: Postpartum, Babies, and the Battle for Sleep, I sat down with Marriage and Family Therapist and birth worker Angharad Hollingworth to talk about the messy, beautiful reality of the relational transition to parenthood. If you're pregnant or in those early postpartum days, this conversation is one you don’t want to miss — because preparing for a baby means preparing your heart, your mind, and your relationships, too.

The Brain Science Behind the Shift

One of the most fascinating parts of our conversation was learning about how the human brain literally reshapes itself during early parenthood. Whether you are the birthing parent or a primary caregiver, your brain is biologically designed to reform itself around the needs of your baby.

Hormones, neural pathways, even your perception of threats and safety—all of it shifts to prioritize the care and protection of your newborn. This transformation is not a failure to "stay the same" — it’s a deeply human, deeply beautiful act of adaptation.

Yet in our culture, there's an expectation that life after baby should look the same as it did before, just with a tiny human along for the ride. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. And it’s not supposed to.

Relationship Changes After Baby: Why Nobody Warns You

Here’s a sobering statistic Angharad shared:

➡️ One-third of all couples who seek therapy do so within the first 18 months after their baby's birth.

Think about that for a second. Of all the reasons people seek relationship support—money, career stress, infidelity—the transition to parenthood stands as one of the biggest triggers.

Why? Because parenthood pulls on every thread of your relationship fabric:

  • Chores

  • Sleep deprivation

  • Financial stress

  • Intimacy and sex

  • Communication breakdowns

  • Gender role expectations

Even couples who have worked hard to create an equitable, supportive partnership can find themselves slipping into old patterns — especially around invisible labor (hello, mental load of remembering to buy toilet paper).

If you’re pregnant and preparing for postpartum, having these conversations now — about expectations, invisible work, and shared responsibilities — is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourselves.

Building Your “New Family Bubble”

One of my favorite parts of our talk was the idea of tending to your new family bubble.

Your early postpartum time isn’t just about feeding and diapering a baby. It’s about building trust, attachment, and connection within your little family unit. It’s about protecting that sacred, tender space from outside pressures and expectations — even when it’s hard to say no to well-meaning visitors.

Setting boundaries with family and friends ahead of time can be a game-changer. (Pro tip: you can always move visits up if you feel ready sooner, but it’s much harder to ask for space once everyone’s already booked their flights!)

Remember, your number one job postpartum is to fall in love with your baby, not to entertain guests.

New help setting boundaries? Grab my free Let’s Talk About It! Worksheet here as a guide.

Preparing for Parenthood: The Conversations You Need to Have

If you’re currently pregnant, in the adoption process, or planning to grow your family, it’s essential to spend time exploring these questions together:

  • Where did my ideas of parenthood come from?

  • What childhood traditions, values, and memories do I want to carry forward?

  • What do I want to leave behind?

  • How do I envision sharing responsibilities for household tasks, finances, and emotional labor?

  • What are my non-negotiables for postpartum support and rest?

Angharad shared a beautiful exercise you can do with your partner: close your eyes and envision what parenthood looks like for you. Capture images, feelings, memories—and then talk about where those visions came from.

You might be surprised at what you discover. No two people carry the same blueprint into parenthood, and honoring those differences with curiosity (instead of judgment) is key to building a strong foundation.

Want a tool to help with this? Grab my free Me We Us Worksheet here — it’s a powerful resource I give to all my families preparing for baby.

Practical Tips for Navigating Relationship Changes After Baby

Some quick, loving advice as you prepare:

  • Shrink, don’t sacrifice. Find ways to downsize your favorite self-care and connection rituals for the season you’re in. (Example: 5-minute coffee dates instead of two-hour brunches.)

  • Make room for your baby’s personhood. Your newborn is not a blank slate or a problem to fix — they are a full human being with their own temperament, needs, and rhythms.

  • Communicate often and gently. No one is a mind-reader, especially when running on 3 hours of sleep. Create space for regular check-ins with your partner.

  • Plan for boundaries to be tested. Assume you’ll have to enforce your limits with family and friends — and know that you’re doing it for your baby’s well-being.

You Are Becoming

If there’s one truth I hope you take away, it’s this:

✨ You are not failing if you are changing. You are becoming.

Parenthood isn’t a detour from who you are — it’s part of your growth, your story, your becoming.

And you don’t have to navigate it alone. Whether it's through conversations like this one, working with a doula, or building your own village of support, you deserve guidance and compassion every step of the way.

Ready to create a postpartum experience that feels connected, intentional, and supported?

You’ve got this, friend. And if you need someone to walk beside you—you know where to find me. 💛

Warmly,

Doula Deb

Angharad Hollingworth (she/her) is a Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in the relational transition into parenthood. After almost a decade of birthwork, Angharad now focuses on supporting individuals, couples, and families in her therapy practice- Angharad Hollingworth PLLC. She offers a monthly Queer Conceiving peer support group, is one of the in house practitioners at Thresholds Collective, and is so excited to be growing her work.

🔗 Connect with Angharad Hollingworth:

Deb Jimenez
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