From Maiden to Mother: The Identity Shift No One Prepares You For (Guest Anna Lundqvist)

Jan 5

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If you’re pregnant right now, you’ve probably heard all the usual advice: what to pack in your hospital bag, the best stroller to buy, or which swaddle actually keeps your baby asleep longer than two seconds.

But what most people don’t talk about (and what truly deserves your attention) is the massive identity shift that happens when you move from maiden to mother.

This isn’t just about learning to keep a tiny human alive (though that’s impressive enough). It’s about navigating a deep transformation that touches every layer of who you are: your body, your mind, your relationships, and your sense of self.

Let’s talk about it honestly, gently, and with a little bit of real talk.

The Maiden-to-Mother Shift: What It Really Means

Former holistic midwife and mentor Anna Lundqvist calls the maiden-to-mother transition a rite of passage, one that our modern culture has forgotten how to honor.

In traditional societies, women were supported, celebrated, and guided through this shift. There were rituals, meals, ceremonies, and villages to hold new mothers as they transformed.

Today? We’re lucky if someone drops off a casserole and remembers to text.

When a woman becomes a mother, she’s not just gaining a new title. She’s undergoing a complete rebirth of identity. Her brain literally rewires during pregnancy and postpartum. Researchers have found that during the perinatal period, the brain changes to heighten empathy, awareness, and bonding with her baby.

This isn’t “mom brain” in the forgetful sense. It’s superhuman brain. You’re evolving to become more attuned, more connected, and more instinctive than ever before.

And yet, in the midst of all this magic, many women are left feeling like they’re losing themselves.

Grieving Who You Were While Embracing Who You’re Becoming

It’s okay to love your baby and still miss your old life.

You can adore your new identity and still grieve the version of you who could sleep in on weekends, finish a cup of coffee while it was still hot, or have uninterrupted thoughts.

Grief and gratitude can coexist.

This is something I talk about often in my postpartum support work, because it’s the emotional landscape no one really prepares you for. You might find yourself feeling more emotional, more sensitive, or even disoriented in your new role. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means you’re transforming.

Anna beautifully reframed this in our conversation: “Sacrifice means sacred gift.”

You’re not losing yourself. You’re offering up your old self so that a wiser, more expansive version can emerge. That’s sacred. That’s motherhood.

Why Modern Motherhood Feels So Lonely

One of the biggest challenges new mothers face isn’t just the sleepless nights. It’s the isolation.

Our culture loves to say, “It takes a village,” but somewhere along the way, we misplaced the map.

Generations ago, mothers were surrounded by grandmothers, aunts, neighbors, and friends who helped care for the baby and the mother. Now, many families are living far from relatives, juggling demanding jobs, or simply too busy to check in regularly.

The result? Countless new moms whispering, “Where’s my village?”

If that’s you, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not imagining how hard it is. It’s hard because you’re trying to do something that was never meant to be done alone.

The good news? You can begin rebuilding your village right now.

Start small. Reach out to another pregnant friend or new mom and propose a weekly walk, coffee date, or check-in text chain. Join a local baby group, parent circle, or community class. If there’s nothing near you, create one, even if it starts with two people.

Because when you start connecting, you’re not just helping yourself. You’re helping every mother who’s craving that same connection.

Preparing for the Emotional Side of Postpartum

When most people think about postpartum preparation, they picture diapers, bassinets, and nipple cream. But true postpartum readiness goes so much deeper than that.

Preparing for motherhood means thinking about emotional support, identity shifts, and how you’ll care for yourself as you recover.

Here are a few ways to start:

Reflect during pregnancy: Journal about who you’re becoming. Write letters to your future self. Acknowledge what you’re leaving behind.
Learn about postpartum recovery: Understanding what’s normal physically and emotionally helps reduce anxiety and shame when challenges arise.
Stock your freezer, not just your nursery: You’ll need nourishing meals and rest more than an extra pack of onesies.
Create a postpartum plan: Think beyond the birth plan. Who will help with meals, housework, or child care? What are your support systems, emotional and practical?
Consider a postpartum doula: (That’s where I come in!) A postpartum doula provides emotional support, education, and hands-on help so you can heal, rest, and transition with confidence.

Ritual, Ceremony, and Honoring Your Journey

One of the most beautiful ideas from Anna’s work is the concept of ceremony. Honoring the closing of one chapter before stepping fully into the next.

You don’t have to live in a different culture or join a women’s circle to bring ritual into your motherhood. You can create simple, powerful moments at home:

A Mother Blessing before birth, surrounded by loved ones who affirm your strength.
A postpartum closing ceremony around six weeks, where you reflect on your journey and reclaim your sense of self.
Even a solo ritual like lighting a candle and writing a note of gratitude to your “maiden self” can help mark this sacred shift.

Motherhood isn’t meant to be rushed through. It’s meant to be felt.

You’re Not Losing Yourself You’re Becoming

If you’re standing on the edge of this transformation, still pregnant, still waiting, still wondering how it’s all going to feel. Take a deep breath.

You’re not losing yourself. You’re expanding.

You’re about to meet a version of yourself who is stronger, softer, and far more capable than you can imagine.

The maiden-to-mother transition can be disorienting, yes, but it’s also one of the most sacred experiences of your life. And you deserve support that honors that truth.

Next Steps for Your Journey

If this conversation spoke to your heart, I invite you to explore more of Anna's resources or my offerings below to help you feel grounded and prepared for postpartum.

🌿 Download: Workbooks (Preparing for Parenthood & Postpartum Meal Prep Guide & Planner) – downloaded or printed workbooks to help you plan your emotional and practical postpartum support.

💛 Work with Me: Through my First Year Support Program and virtual doula and sleep consults, I help you navigate pregnancy, postpartum, and baby sleep with compassion, expertise, and real-life support.

Because you’re not just having a baby. You’re being reborn.

And you deserve a village that celebrates every step of that transformation.

Warmly,

Doula Deb

Podcast Guest:

Anna Lundqvist
The Natural Birth Podcast Host & Founder of Sacred Birth International

Anna Lundqvist is a former holistic midwife turned sacred mentor, educator, and founder of Sacred Birth International. With over a decade of experience in women’s work and birth, she now devotes her life to guiding women and birth workers in reclaiming birth as a sacred rite of passage.

Through her signature Sacred Birth Worker Mentorship, Anna trains doulas, midwives, mothers, and spiritual seekers to hold safe, sacred, and empowering spaces for birth. She is also the creator of The Business Course for Birth Workers, helping women build sustainable, soul-aligned businesses rooted in feminine wisdom and integrity.

Through Sacred Birth International, Anna also offers The Natural Birth Course, The Nourishing Postpartum Course, and The Village, a private online community for mothers and birth workers.

As the host of The Natural Birth Podcast, Anna shares inspiring birth stories with a global audience, challenging the fear-based narrative around birth and restoring women’s sovereignty.