Why Is My Newborn Crying?! Soothe with Intuition (Not Guilt)

Aug 4

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If you’re pregnant and preparing for postpartum, you’ve probably heard the phrase “babies cry”—but hearing it and living it are two very different things.

The truth is, soothing a crying newborn can feel like a mystery. It’s not always as simple as feeding them or changing a diaper. And when your baby’s cries feel endless or unpredictable, it’s easy to fall into a spiral of self-doubt: Am I missing something? Am I doing this wrong?

Let me say this loud and clear:

You are not failing. Your baby is not broken. You are learning each other—and that takes time.

Whether you’re preparing for the fourth trimester or deep in it already, this guide is here to support you.

Crying Is Communication, Not Failure

Newborns cry because they don’t have words. It’s their only way to say:

I’m hungry.
I’m tired.
I need you.
I don’t know what I need, but I need something.

Your job isn’t to stop the crying immediately every time—it’s to respond with presence and care. The magic is in the connection, not the solution.

A Guilt-Free Checklist to Soothe a Crying Baby

Here’s the soothing checklist I walk through with my postpartum and sleep clients. Use it like a gentle rhythm, not a test to pass.

Are They Hungry? - Even if they “just ate,” newborns often cluster feed or need extra feeds during growth spurts. Look for cues like rooting, sucking, or head turning. Trust your gut—not just the clock.
Are They Tired? - An overtired baby can look wired, not sleepy. Especially in the evenings, sleep pressure builds up. If they’re fussy and have been awake for a while, try a nap or holding them close in a calm space.

Are They Overstimulated? - Newborns are energetic sponges. Bright lights, noise, or too much touch can overwhelm their nervous system. Try taking them outside, dimming the lights, or running a warm bath.

Is It Gas, a Dirty Diaper, or Digestive Discomfort? - Check for a tight belly, legs pulling to the chest, or grunting. A quick diaper check or belly massage can go a long way. Don’t forget to burp them well—trapped air can make them miserable.

Are They Physically Uncomfortable? - Sometimes the smallest things—like a hair wrapped around a toe or a tag scratching their neck—can be the cause. Do a gentle body scan and trust what feels “off” to you.

Do They Just Need You? - Some babies just need closeness. Hold them, wear them in a wrap, rock them, or sit skin-to-skin. You are not spoiling your baby by offering comfort. You are co-regulating their nervous system.

A Note About the First Week of Life

If your baby is under a week old and crying constantly—especially before your milk has come in—it’s important to seek professional support. Excessive crying in those first days can be a sign of:

Feeding difficulties
Tongue or lip ties
Latch issues
Weight loss or dehydration

This is not the time to power through alone. Reach out to your pediatrician or a lactation consultant right away. You’re not overreacting—you’re advocating for your baby.

When Nothing Works: Try These Tools

For babies under 4–6 months old, here are two of my favorite gentle tools to try when the checklist just isn’t cutting it.

Dr. Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s

These techniques mimic the womb and help calm the baby’s nervous system:

Swaddle – Snug (but hip-safe) swaddling helps babies feel secure.
Side or Stomach (in your arms) – Holding them on their side or tummy while awake can calm reflexes and ease gas.
Shush – Use rhythmic white noise near their ear (or try a sound machine around 65 decibels).
Swing – Gentle, rhythmic motion like rocking or bouncing can help settle them.
Suck – Nursing, pacifiers, or a clean finger can offer calming comfort.

Use these in combination if needed, and always with safety in mind. Don’t feel like you need to do them all—or perfectly.

Dunstan Baby Language

This lesser-known method helps you “listen between the cries.” Before babies escalate into full-on wailing, they often make reflex-based sounds like:

“Neh” – Hunger
“Owh” – Sleepy
“Heh” – Discomfort
“Eairh” – Lower gas or poop
“Eh” – Need to burp

You won’t always catch these (especially with a toddler yelling in the background), but even trying to listen builds your confidence and connection.

Let Go of the Pressure to “Do It Right”

Here’s what no one tells you:

You won’t always know what your baby needs. And that’s okay.

This is a relationship. You are both learning. Some days will be smooth. Some days will be messy. What matters most is showing up with compassion—for your baby and for yourself.

You are not behind. You are not missing some secret parenting code. You are already the right parent for your baby.

Final Thoughts

Soothing a crying newborn isn’t about fixing your baby—it’s about knowing them. It’s about creating safety, consistency, and connection. And it’s about honoring your own intuition just as much as your baby’s cues.

You’re doing a beautiful job—especially on the hard days.

And if you ever forget that, I’ll be right here to remind you.

Want More Support?

If this kind of intuitive, shame-free, attachment-forward approach is resonating with you, I’d love to invite you into my world of deeper support.

Coming Fall 2025: Rooted Rest — A Sleep Course for Conscious Parents

This course goes beyond sleep schedules. Inside, we cover:

Soothing strategies rooted in connection
Understanding wake windows and feeding patterns
Tools for emotional regulation—for baby and parent
Gentle sleep support that never asks you to ignore your instincts

No cry-it-out. No judgment. Just real tools for real families.

🎉 Join the waitlist at www.douladeb.com/rooted-rest

And don’t forget to listen to the accompanying podcast episode:

🎧 Why Is My Newborn Crying? — from Doula Talk: Postpartum, Babies, and the Battle for Sleep

Get the Free Checklist & More Support Tools

Need a handy version of the newborn soothing checklist? I’ve got you.

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