Feeding Your Baby Without Losing Your Sanity: A Shame-Free Guide for Expecting Moms
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If you’re pregnant right now, chances are you’ve got a running mental list of all the “shoulds” you’ve heard about feeding your baby. You’ve probably read a few blog posts, had well-meaning friends share their “must-dos,” and maybe even found yourself deep in a late-night Google rabbit hole. And if you’re already feeling the pressure, before your baby is even here, you’re not alone.
In my recent Doula Talk podcast episode with licensed midwife and IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) Emily Ager, we got real about what it actually takes to feed your baby, without burning yourself out, losing your joy, or drowning in guilt. This isn’t your average “here’s how to do it perfectly” advice. This is about finding a feeding plan that works for you and your baby, protects your mental health, and allows you to actually enjoy those early weeks.
Whether you plan to breastfeed, pump, use formula, or do a combination, this post is here to help you prepare for postpartum feeding with realistic expectations and the support you need.
Why Feeding Your Baby Feels So Overwhelming
Modern parents are doing one of the most primal, instinctive jobs in human history, but without the village our ancestors had. In traditional societies, there were 10–20 adults to every newborn. That meant constant support, shared responsibility, and far less pressure on any one parent to do it all.
Today? Most new parents are isolated at home, often with just one other equally exhausted adult (if that). Add in a lack of paid parental leave, limited access to lactation care, and the endless stream of “perfect” feeding stories on social media, and it’s no wonder feeding your baby feels like a high-pressure exam you didn’t study for.
The truth is, feeding is emotional. It’s tied to survival instincts, hormones, sleep deprivation, and, yes, our deepest desires to do right by our babies. When things don’t go as planned, the guilt can feel crushing. That’s why having a realistic, shame-free approach is essential.
Ditch the “Gold Standard” Perfectionism
One of Emily’s biggest messages? The “gold standard” might look good in a textbook, but it’s not always realistic, or even sustainable, for real families.
You might read that you should:
Nurse every 2–3 hours around the clock
Pump after every feeding
Exclusively breastfeed with no formula
Avoid introducing bottles “too early”
Sounds great… until you’re actually in it. What if you have a toddler climbing on you during every feed? What if you’re recovering from a C-section? What if your baby isn’t transferring milk well, or you have a low supply?
That’s where the “bronze standard” comes in. Maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s sustainable. And sustainable means you can keep going long enough to actually meet your feeding goals, without sacrificing your mental health in the process.
Combo Feeding: Not Giving Up, Just Smart Parenting
Combo feeding (a mix of breast/chestfeeding and formula) is often seen as “giving up.” Let’s throw that idea out the window.
Combo feeding can:
Take pressure off your supply while still giving your baby the benefits of breast milk
Allow your partner to help with feedings so you can rest
Help you maintain your mental health and bond with your baby instead of resenting feeding time
The best combo feeding plans are intentional. You might decide to nurse in the morning and evening, and use formula for midday feeds. Or you may focus on nursing during the first month to establish a good latch, then gradually introduce bottles. There’s no one-size-fits-all, just what works for your family.
Why Triple Feeding Should Be Temporary
Triple feeding, nurse, pump, then bottle-feed what you pumped, might help boost supply in certain situations. But as Emily put it, it’s inhumane as a long-term plan.
If you’re doing triple feeds eight to twelve times a day, you’re spending nearly your entire day feeding, cleaning pump parts, and crying in exhaustion. If your provider recommends it, get a clear plan for how long to continue and when to reassess. Feeding should be sustainable, not soul-crushing.
Your Prenatal Feeding Prep Checklist
You don’t have to wait until your baby is born to set yourself up for feeding success. Here’s what Emily recommends for every pregnant parent:
Find Your Lactation Consultant Now - Even if you’re not sure you’ll need one, identify someone you trust and check if they take your insurance. Bonus points if they offer home visits for those first two weeks postpartum.
Over-Plan Your Support System - Line up meal trains, postpartum help, and friends or family who can step in so you’re not trying to cook dinner while cluster feeding.
Get Your Partner Involved - Partners aren’t just “helpers.” They can master soothing techniques, bottle-feeding, diaper duty, and keeping you hydrated during nursing sessions.
Address Health Concerns Now - If you have conditions like hypothyroidism, PCOS, or diabetes, talk to your provider about how they might affect milk supply and make a postpartum plan for follow-up care.
Learn the Basics - Take a prenatal lactation class (like Emily’s hybrid class and consult) so you know what’s normal, what’s not, and when to get help.
Protecting Your Mental Health While Feeding
Your mental health matters just as much as your baby’s nutrition. If your feeding plan is leaving you weepy, anxious, or resentful, it’s okay to change it.
Remember:
A fed baby is important, but so is a healthy, rested parent.
You can still bond deeply with your baby while using formula.
You deserve to enjoy your baby without feeding being a constant source of stress.
Why Social Media Is Feeding Anxiety
Seeing endless posts about freezer stashes, perfect pumping sessions, or “I never gave my baby a bottle” stories can tank your confidence. Emily’s advice? Delete social media, or at least mute accounts that make you feel less-than.
Real life is messy, unpredictable, and doesn’t fit in a curated Instagram square. Feed your baby, not the algorithm.
Final Thoughts: Feeding Shouldn’t Break You
Feeding your baby is one of the most intimate, emotional parts of early parenthood. But it should not be something that leaves you depleted, resentful, or isolated. Whether you breastfeed, pump, combo feed, or formula feed from day one, the most important thing is that your plan works for your life and keeps you and your baby thriving.
Need More Support?
💡 Free Resource Library: Get feeding prep checklists, postpartum recovery guides, and newborn care tips at my Free Resources page.
🤱 Work With Me: From prenatal consults to postpartum feeding support and gentle sleep coaching, I offer in-person and virtual sessions to help you feel confident, informed, and supported every step of the way.
Podcast Guest: Emily Ager, LM, IBCLC
Emily is a licensed midwife and lactation consultant with 14 years of experience working with birthing and growing families, and is the founder of Fern Lactation. Her background in physiological birth, clinical lactation services, and years of personal breastfeeding experience have given her a unique, holistic approach when it comes to providing lactation support. Emily is committed to serving our diverse community of families, seeks to provide a safe and affirming space, and is continuously working to increase access to lactation care and opportunities for aspiring IBCLCs.
When Emily is not in the clinic, you can find her playing in the forest with her two wilding kids, paddleboarding, horseback riding, or doing martial arts.
She/her pronouns
